Vacation Day 11

I realize today that I have closer friends in San Jose now then I do in Philadelphia now. I still have friends here, but they are old friend. It has been a while since I have been close the them. If I lived here again, I believe I would be close to them. I just feel now I have close friend in San Jose. It feels good that this is true. It makes me less likely to want to want to move back.

One of the people I saw today was a women I had a long term crush on. I can say is that crushes have never treated me well. She made it clear about 18 months ago that she did not feel the same way. It felt like we did not know how to act around each other. Telling her about my crush was the best thing I could do. Since then I have learned that you gain nothing from unrequited love. I wanted to say that to another friend I saw on this trip.

Maybe I will be able to be really close to this woman again in the future. With all of the cards on the table it is easier to work through all those old feelings. Maybe I will see the world how it really is. I think that she needs that time also.

A lot of people have been asking me about moving back here. I think they see how much I love coming back. One day the thought popped in my head that I would be over forty before I moved back here. That would be ten more years. I have no idea why that is. I cannot back the feeling. It is just something that I have in my head.

It means something that I think that I will be forty before I move back here. I think then I will be ready. I know that I like San Jose more now then I did before. I wonder how I will feel when I get back there. Will I look at the city and be really happy I am back or will I ache to be back in Philadelphia.


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