The new living alone

In my life I only notice how things change well after the change has taken place. The course corrections are seamless and small. It is only after I am in the next phase does it make sense. I need to remember this and make better use of it in the future.

In my new apartment living alone has changed. For the first time since in my life I do not feel cramped. I feel that the different parts of my home life each have their own space. I do not feel like I am tripping over everything I own. I feel that when I need an adjustment I can move to a different room. This is something that should not be underestimated.

The second thing is that I have no sleeping schedule of any real kind. I do not feel the pressure to be at work at any certain time. I do not have to be to bed or up to meet that demand. Since I live alone work has the only claim on my time. The rest of my time is mine. I can use it any way I please.

This feeling that my time is really mine has become really clear lately. I have lived alone for years now, yet this feels new. Maybe I did not understand it before. Maybe I felt like I had to be out of my apartment because of the size. Maybe this has to do with other changes in my life.

I have no reason to go to bed right now. This time really is mine. I have no one to please, to meet demands for, to bend to at all. Is this a real change or just a short time feeling? Does having so much control over my time make it hard for to relinquish any of it?

I am still trying to figure out what this feeling means. The hard part about my life is that I feel that I do not use my time well. I have so many things I could do, I end up not doing anything useful. I know people who have many more demands on them that use their limited time much better then I do. I have to find a way to not only control my time, but use it well also.


Popular Posts