missing it

I have had the feeling lately that there is something going out there and I am missing it. I am not sure what it is. I do not even know where there is. I just have a feeling that there is something bigger then me right now. It just bugs me that I am missing it. I am worried that I will look back later and see what I was missing. I am worried that it is something that is right in front of me.

I have been feeling that I have not been using my time well. The world is just running by at blinding speed. People are accomplishing things and improving their lives. They are changing lives and worlds. I am sitting around and watching a lot of TV. They are making a mark in the world. I am just barely showing up for my own life.

I know that I have to pay for some mistakes that I made before. I know that I do not have the resources to just do anything in any way I like. That said I am not very good at stretching what I have. I am not good at making the most of what they Lord has given me. I am good and keeping in close and not getting hurt.

I hope this is just a feeling. I hope that I just feel this way because I am senselessly jealous of people. I do not see what they have to put up with. I do not see what they have to do to get what they have.

I know that I am not good at working hard. I know that hard work is really what I need more of the time. Most of the time that I waste, I waste became I want to rest. I waste because I do not have anything in my head.

I do not know where any of this is going. I do not know if I will ever find that thing that will make me proud. I wish I had an idea what that thing is. I worry if I knew, I still would not get off my ass and do it.


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