State of My Heart Address - 2006

State of my Heart Address

It is St. Valentine's Day. That means that it is time for another State of My Heard Address. I have been doing this on St. Valentine's Day since 1994. For the first time since then I am in a relationship on St. Valentine's Day. My streak of not having a relationship on St. Valentine's Day goes back further than that, but I am not trying to dwell on the past.

I am entering the 8th month of a relationship with a wonderful woman. If you read Sad Salvation you know of her as Dreamgirl. The nickname Dreamgirl comes from an obscure Neutral Milk Hotel Song. I found out that a women I did not think exist.

I could go on for pages about all the wonderful things about Dreamgirl. I could tell you about how I feel when she looks at me. I could tell you about how I laugh when she is being funny. I could tell you about how I love to touch the small of her back. There are so many wonderful things about her.

None of those things amaze me. There is something about the two of us that just clicked. Ever since the moment we clicked, it makes sense that I would feel this way about Dreamgirl. I cannot think of any other way I would feel about here.

What amazes me is how knowing her has changed how I feel about other things. Time seems more precious. I am less willing to waste my time then I was this time last year. I want to make the most of the time I see her and I want to see her all the time. The future is more important to me. I do not want to feel like I am floating through time any more. There are lots of things that I did not treat as important before that I feel I should treat as important now. I feel that I need to work hard to make live up to these feelings.

The hard part is not seeing Dreamgirl everyday. Two years ago I would have thought it would be easy to be in a relationship where I did not see the women all the time. I thought I was the type of guy that would be happy to be on his own most of the time. Meeting Dreamgirl has proved that not to be true. I want to see here a lot more than I am seeing her now.

I feel lucky to have met Dreamgirl. I feel lucky to have her in my life. There are lots of little things that needed to happen. I am not sure if I would have met her if they did not. There are all these little bends in the roads to how we met. My father believes in Kismit. I think that we are often lucky when it comes to love.

I was looking at some of my past State Of My Heard Addresses. (2002, 2003, 2004, 2005). Looking at these entries reminds me of how it is harder to write about being happy than it is about being unhappy.

I am thinking about the future more now then I have been in a long time. I do not know what the future holds. I try my best to live in this moment, but it is hard not to think about the future. When I see my future I see Dreamgirl in it.


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