I Still Have A Job

My company had layoffs today. There are so many things in my head right now, I think it would take all night to get them out. My head is think with emotion, reaction, detail, and evaluation. I might even get a full week of web logs out of the layoff. I know that I was not ready for this to happen. I just thought my company would keep on going. I should try to be smarter next time.

At the start of the day I knew what was going on. I knew that people were being laid off. The hard part was that I did not know who was going to be laid off. The morning went very slowly. I had to wait for my boss to tell me what was going on. My boss had told me that he was being laid off. I had to still wait to find out what my fate would be.

There have been two rounds of layoffs at my job. Both times my boss has been let go. I guess being my boss is a bad position to have. Both times I have had some problems with my boss. It is at the moments when layoffs are happening when you find out what kind of person your boss is. I will say that both of my former bosses are good men. Sometime it takes some distance to see this.

I just sat at my desk and waited to see what would happen. I felt like jumping up and down, but I just had to sit there. I was afraid that if I walked over to someone else's desk, I would miss the call from my boss. That would mean I would fall to the bottom of the list. I would have to wait to find out my fate.

I had already run over all my options in my head. I was trying to figure out what I was going to do if I got the ax. In my head I had four options. Three of the options are practical. One of the options makes me laugh like a madman when I think of it. Each of these options have their pluses and minuses. I was trying to see all my angles without knowing what was going to happen to me.

Option 1: Stay in San Jose and look for a job.

Positives: I do not have to move. That saves me time and money. The pay is still good here. I have some people here to network with. There are people in Silicon Valley that know that I am a good worker.

Negatives: It is expensive to live here. I would not have a long time before my money ran out. There are a lot of people out of work in the valley right now. Not many companies are hiring. I know people that looked for a long time before they found anything

Option 2: Move to a city where one of my friend is currently living and crash with them.

Positives: It would give me a chance to move to a new city and learn it. I could be closer to one of my old friends. I would be able to brake away from San Jose.

Negatives: I would have to count on the generosity of my friends to accomplish this. I might wear that out quickly. I do not have a good idea of what the job situations are like in these cities.

Option 3: Move back in with my parents.

Positives: I would have a good support network if I moved back to Philadelphia. There are a lot of people in Philadelphia that I know. I would be close to my family again. I could reconnect with some of my old friends. One of those friends might help me find a job.

Negatives: There would be some level of defeat here. I would not be returning to Philadelphia on my own terms. It would be my unemployment that would force me to go back there.

Option 4: Move back to Portland

Positives and Negatives: This is the one that makes me laugh like a madman. On one hand moving to San Jose would have been just an interruption. I would go back to the status I had before I moved down here. On the other hand I miss Portland and I still think it is a cool place to live.

My boss called me into his cubical. He said to me, "don't worry, you are not affected." I still sat and talked to him for about 20 minutes. We talked about my job and how he thought I did a good job. He told me that he was happy that he worked with me and my group. He said that it is a small valley and he would be back on his feet in no time. I should keep in touch with him. I am not worried about my boss finding another job.

It was another hour before John, a guy in my department found out that he was laid off. John had been working in the customer support group for a long time. He was the guy who trained me when I was first hired. I know that John was pissed about getting fired. After he found out, I could see the hurt in his eyes. He started to pack up his stuff.

The first round of layoffs where back in April. There were six guys and a manager in my department then. The April layoff cut my group down to three people. We also started to report to the director of customer support. In this layoff we have been cut to two people. Now we are going to report to a new director of customer support.

I have survived two rounds of layoffs. I am still going to be at work tomorrow. There is a part of me that is proud. I am a person that has been picked to stay around twice. I must be doing something right. I consider myself to be a hard worker. I take pride in my work and I want people to see me as the best at what I do.

It is hard to say these things after a layoff. It it hard to take pride in your accomplishments when other people have been let go. I did the "Rocky Dance" at one point in the afternoon. I felt like I was a survivor. I felt like I was going to hold my job together. This is a good feeling, but I feel wrong for having it.

One thing I can say is that I was not prepared to be laid off. I thought my company would go at least until after Christmas before laying people off. I thought that I would have a lot more time before I would have to face this. This makes me think. I do not think that another round is coming anytime soon. I still should start getting ready now. I should align my life so I can react better to being laid off.

For right now I have to see what direction my company moves. I have to see what the plans for the future are. I know that I have some part in those plans. I am also going to relax. Today was stressful enough for a week. I need to just get down to business. I need to get out of my head a little bit and stop thinking so much.


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