Being Back Home (I mean San Jose)

Before I left for vacation I felt that I was only going to be home for a couple of days. I felt like I was not going to get time to do much. I knew that I would not get the chance to hang out with all my friends. I felt bad for not being able to take more days off. I am hoarding vacation to use it next year. I could have taken more days, but I want to save all that time for a big trip.

Now that I am back in San Jose, it feels like it was a long vacation. I look back on my flight to Philadelphia and it seems like more then a weeks time has past. Between seeing my family and hanging out with friends, it seems like a lot more then one week has past. I think that I got a lot of what I wanted out of this vacation. A big chunk of that was catching up with people. I wanted to make sure I renewed friendships with people I do not see all the time.

Being Home

Before I left I wrote about how I felt that this trip would either cure my homesickness or make me what to go back even more. I can say today that my trip has cured my homesickness. I feel that I am good for some time longer in San Jose. Like my last trip back to Philadelphia, I realized that I am not ready to move back yet. I do not think I am done in San Jose either. I feel that I have to spend more time in San Jose before I decide to move on.

There is a list of things that I learned.

1. Home is always a more complicated idea then expected. Before going back to Philadelphia I was not thinking about all the complicated issues that I faced there. It is like those issues are out of sight, out of mind. There are issues with family and friends that I do not face being on the other side of the country. If I moved back there I would have to deal with these issues more often.

2. I think I could live in Philadelphia in the future. I drove around the city with an eye on what I like in Cities. I think that I could live in a city like that. There are currently a lot of nice areas in the city. There are lots of parts of the city where I can live a very urban life. I can see why Cathy likes living there. Philadelphia has a lot of different identities for the people there. I think it has more personalty then San Jose.

3. There are still things I need to learn about myself. I moved out west for a lot of different reasons. One of them was to learn more about myself. I think there are still some things that I need to learn about myself. I think that I want to learn these things before I move. I think I have to understand more about how I feel about relationships, work, and living before I move back to Philadelphia. If I do not learn these things I could make mistakes.

4. Don't let turning 30 freak me out. I am turning 30 next year. I think it has been freaking me out a little. I think that I have been putting pressure on myself because of turning 30. I was upset that my life is undefined in places. I think that worrying about it is not making my life any better defined. I have to let these things develop at there own speed. I should not worry about the time that is taken. It is only time.

I apologize if some of these things are vague. There are things that happened that I cannot really write about in such an open place. These things are effecting my outlook. I am not sure I can give more detail without airing dirty laundry.

I will be writing more about this trip. There are a lot of specific things that I can write about. I just do not have the time to write about them right now. I know the next couple of days will be spend writing about things that happened when I was visiting home. I hope I do not forget about any before I get the chance to write about them.


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