Late Shopping

I live across the street from a supermarket. This is both a blessing and a curse. It does not take much effort to buy groceries. I also do very little planning before I go over there. Many times I put off grocery shopping as long a I can. That is the way I run most of the things in my life.

Today I keep on telling myself that I needed to go to grocery shopping. There were a couple of thing that I could not put off any longer. Like most weekend days, I just kept on putting it off. I sit around my apartment and find every reason not to leave.

I did not make it over to the Supermarket until about 10:30 PM. The supermarket was mostly empty. There were no more then 10 or 15 shoppers in the store. It was like I had the store all to myself. I wondered around the store. I had little idea of what I was going to buy.

I felt like I was drifting as I walked thought the store. I looked at a six pack of Jello and pudding. I knew that if I bought that I would eat all of them over the weekend or throw them out because I let them get old in my fridge. The idea says so much about the way I live my life. I have been shopping for one since I left Philadelphia. I have not taken any real steps to change that theme in my life.

It was Saturday night and I was in an empty supermarket. I felt like I was on the moon and the gravity was one sixth that is usually is. I could see the world around me and I was so far away from it. I had not had a face to face conversation all day. No one in the supermarket was saying anything to each other. Maybe we were all isolated from each other.

The way I shop says so much about the way I live my life. There is nothing that makes me feel disconnected from the world like shopping with the feeling that I am all alone in the world. There are so many things I will not buy because of either I have no one to share them with or I am too lazy to spend that much time preparing food.

I bought some frozen meals. I thought about how Jeremy thinks frozen food is soulless and eating should be a soulful event. I disagree with him, but I think I would lose a debate with him right now.

I shuffled out of the supermarket. There is nothing that is connecting me to the rest of the world. Nothing but the force of my own will. I have no commitments to anyone. I have no anchors to the world around me. There is nothing that people rely on from me. I know that have taken steps to construct my life in this way. It was not my goal, but it was the result of living my life this way. I am turning 30 in a couple of weeks. Will that change the way I am living my life?


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