Summing it all up

In the air somewhere over America.

After every trip home, I have to ask myself the same questions. I have always enjoyed my trips home. I would not say that any of them have been a waste. This time I came back 29 and I am leaving 30. Warminster was a good place to celebrate my birthday. I knew there were people around for me to celebrate with. I knew my family would be there for me.

I feel when I go home that I do not have enough time there and I spend too much time there all at the same time. I feel I would like to spend more time with everyone. I would like to see everyone a couple of times before I have to leave. I also feel that I would rather my trips be quicker. The quicker the trip, the less work I have to do and the more people are willing to fit into my time frame.

I still love that area. I still have a draw in my heart to move back there. I would love to see my family more often. I would love to be part of my nephew Charlie's young life. I still have friends there. I feel that I could have current friendships with those friends that would not just be based on the past.

My question is, where am I going to work if I go back there? Will I be able to find a company I like as much as TiVo? Will I be able to find opportunities to succeed like I have in San Jose. How will I feel if I have to settle for a job I cannot stand? Why am I so unsure about getting a job I like?

What does it mean that I am willing trade off work for family? Why must it be a one or the other choice? What am I getting and what am I giving up? These are the questions that I will be thinking about a lot in the next few months.

I feel like I cannot go back yet. I feel there are still things I need to do in San Jose. I feel that I need to figure things out about what my life means and where it is going. I need to know these things before I move back to the Philadelphia area. I do not know these things I have the feeling I will be swallowed up but the people I know.


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