observation deck

I feel like I am close to the edge, but I know that I am pretty far from it. It like being at the top of a tall building. You feel close to danger when you are the observation deck. Most of the time you would be at more danger on street level.

I feel near that place where I could just disappear from my life. I feel that it would be easy to slip out of here and never be seen again. I have does things to make my life stable, but I feel like it could all be blown away with a stiff wind. I just feel that if I left here, I would be forgotten instantly. There might be passing converstion about me, but nothing major.

Lately I have been thinking that there is a whole culture of people who could disappear with out a trace. I feel like I am mone of those people. If you do it in an orderly manor, no one will even notice. As long as you give two weeks notice, pay off your lease, and not leave any debts behind. With those simple steps people know you are moving. If you distance yourself from people in your life it will be long before no one will look for you.

I feel like I too close to that spot in my life. It is not what I expected my life to be like. I thought I would have more roots in this world. I thought I would be connected to people. I have spent most of this weekend all by myself. I feel that the rest of my life could be spent that way. It is not something that makes me happy.

There seems to be a whole culture of people who live close to that edge. I would like to say it is a lot of people about my age, but most of the people I know have connections. Most of my friends have some community around them. They have people that would miss them. They have the connections that I lack. I do not know how to make those connections. I feel that this might be my life for good.


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