Men and Friendship

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Please read this first:  Men Have No Friends and Women Bear the Burden
I few days ago I saw this come up in my facebook feed.  I am reminded of a survey about parents of school age parents, they are more worried about how successful their children are than the child's kindness. This was not how I was raised. My mother cared much more about how I treated people than about how I did in school.

I work hard to maintain male friendships. I don't really have time to hang out with men like I'd like. I usually am limited to having lunch with people and talking on the phone, that puts two big limits. In silicon valley people are so busy, not just with work but also getting as much as we can in our weekends too. 

This makes me worried about the trend that people don't like talking on the phone.  I don't feel close to people I text or facebook with.  Both text messaging and the internet feel like fake intermittency to me.  Maybe it is because I am a child of the 80s and raised on radio, but I like talking on the phone.  

I'll keep on calling on the phone until my friends won't pickup.  I've had several close friends over the years just go silent on the phone to me.  It has hurt when I've lost them.  Something happens to me now and I often think I wish I could talk to *Redacted* about this.  I bet he'd have good insights about it. 

It is really hard too keep friendships together. I've not been able to keep friendships from my last job. Even when I reach out, the other side of the line is dead.  I don't think I've really made a made a new friend, a lasting friend since I turned 30.  This means I have not made any friends over my last few jobs.  No friends since TiVo.

When I read articles like this, I feel like they are blaming men, blaming me for this.  Maybe I'm being oversensitive, because it is not about me.  The way people talk about this on podcast it is like they all have experience with men like this.  I know when I was younger I had dysfunctional friendships with women.  I could see me using them for emotional connections I was not getting elsewhere.  

I hope to raise my son in a better way.  I try to validate his emotions, don't tell him not to cry, teach him about other people's emotions, make him realize consent is important.  I have no idea if this is going to work how I want it to work.  Yes it is more important to me that my son is kind than successful at school.  I think this is a start. 


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